Fair Play
by k123
Summary: Sakura thinks about fairness and growing up.


Sakura used to believe in the concept of fairness. Not just because she was innocent and naïve, but because when she was young, her life _was_ fair. Her family was not a ninja family, and she had never seen what life does to ninjas and those they care about. Sakura thinks that's probably why ninjas aren't supposed to care about anything.

When something hurt or was taken away, there was always something else to replace it with. When she had been laughed at, taunted, and hurt, life gave her Ino. Ino protected her, stood up for her, and loved her. The sneers and jabs did not hurt nearly so much with Ino there. Sakura assumed it was fair trade. The insults for Ino. Secretly, she thought that she had gotten the better bargain.

Then there was the matter of her strength. Sakura knew that she was not strong, that she did not have an exorbitant amount of chakra or amazing physical strength. But although Life withheld the strength, it gave her her mind, her control. Maybe it's true that her two teammates could kill her without breaking a sweat, but she had the analytical mind, she had the perfect chakra control that allowed her to do things like tree climbing while they struggled and fought and sweated. Sakura thinks again that maybe she got the better end of the deal, because against brains, brawn normally comes out last.

Then of course Life gave her her team. Brooding Sasuke and golden Naruto, perfect foils for each other. Light and dark, and both of them hers, her boys, her team, in perfect balance, one and the other. Where Sasuke snubbed her, Naruto called to her, where one scowled, the other grinned, where one excelled, the other failed. Except, Sakura came to realize soon after being put on their team that they weren't quite the opposites she had thought they were. Both the scowl and the smile hid deeper feelings, and in the end both of them had so much strength and power that the only one who could keep up with him was the other. Sakura thinks to herself that this was the first time she had consciously acknowledged the lack of fairness in life, because she was being left behind, and she _hated_ it. She should have been between them, part of them, but she wasn't, as much as she tried to deny it.

Sakura reflects, looking back now, that she had been such a fool, because life had never been fair. Maybe it had given her Ino, but she had been gone just as quickly, gone to become a rival and enemy, and there had been nothing there to replace her, just a gaping hole where she had been. Ino had been the first irreplaceable thing life had given her, and it hurt that she was no longer there. Then there was her mind, and her chakra control. Sakura hates thinking about it now, about how she had lorded it over her teammates, Naruto especially, how she had felt so proud of herself. Because when things had gotten really dangerous, she had been able to do _nothing_. A mind doesn't do much good if it's frozen in fear, and control doesn't do much good if you can't even move your body you're so afraid. Sakura _hates_ that, hates how she hadn't been able to do anything, how every time something happened, she needed to be saved. She hates how useless she is, and realizes that life had never really given her anything to compensate for her uselessness.

Then, of course, there is Sasuke and Naruto. When Sasuke ran away to Sound, leaving her unconscious and hurting behind him, he had broken her, broken her belief in life that she had been clinging to. When Naruto came back, injured more than she had ever seen anyone she loved injured something inside her had snapped. And then Naruto had left to train and she had been alone.

Life is not fair. Life took away Ino, Sasuke, Naruto, her self confidence and beliefs, and gave her nothing in return, except a determination to become stronger, so that she didn't need to depend on life to give her things. So that when she got her precious people back, she could keep them and protect them, no matter what life tried to do them. Sakura wonders if this is what growing up feels like, this constant ache inside her, pushing her to become stronger, to take what she needed and not wait for life's fairness to kick in.

Sakura finds it funny, that of her whole team, she is the first to grow up. Sasuke and Naruto had always been so mature, a depth and darkness in their eyes that she hadn't had. But it was Sasuke who ran away and betrayed them, who believed that if he gave up his soul for power, he could accomplish his goal and kill his brother. After all, that would only be fair wouldn't it? In truth, Sakura thinks that Sasuke hadn't really matured since he came home to his dead family and saw his beloved brother with their blood on his hands. And it is Naruto who believes steadfastly that if he trains hard enough, he'll get Sasuke back, that when Sasuke comes back, nothing will have changed, they'll still argue and fight, and be best friends, or whatever the hell they are, because Sakura knows looking back on their relationship that they are closer to each other than she will ever be to either of them. There is some part of Naruto that will always believe in people, despite what he's been through. It is this part that allows him to reach for his dream of Hokage, of being acknowledged and loved by those who hate him, this part that will always keep a little bit of a child, despite how much more grown up than her he actually is. Sakura thinks that being a child and believing in life was wonderful, but it can't last for her. She can't balance the adult and child like Naruto, and she can't block everything out like  
Sasuke.

All Sakura can do is grow up, and make her own fairness and her own life.


End file.
